It’s really a shame when I have to write something negative but I think I need to let the people know what they are getting themselves into. I can’t possibly always have something amazing to say about every restaurant. You’re probably wondering what “Kluged” even means. It’s usually a term used in the tech world for something that is poorly put together as a temporary fix and need attention A.S.A.P. A bit harsh? I don’t think so. Dictionary meaning of Kluge:
noun, Computer Slang.
1. A software or hardware configuration that, while inelegant, inefficient, clumsy, or patched together, succeeds in solving a specific problem or performing a particular task.

Hey, if they can just throw things together and try to make it work, why can’t I? I could really get into detail about this place starting with the hostess, but I won’t even go there. Let’s go straight to the moment we are sat down at our table for 6 outside. We ordered our first round of cocktails at the bar area which is spacious and has comfortable seating with cool coffee table books to look at while you’re waiting. It was time to go to our table, YAY! The hostess walks us outdoors to our table for 6. The decor throughout the restaurant is really nice, they did a great job putting the interior decorating details together. Compliments with hard wood floors, comfortable booths and warm lighting.

I also did a little research on what the word “KLIMA” means. First, I found that it’s a German word for climate. I found out that it’s also a Czech female name. Yet, this is a Spanish restaurant right? The confusion already starts with the name. Moving on….
Typically when you sit down at a table the next question is geared around would you like to order some cocktails or something to drink. We were asked if we would like sparkling or flat, we opt for flat and don’t even have the option for tap and that’s okay, I wouldn’t have ordered that anyway. The waiter jumps straight to the tapas insisting that we order 8 tapas to share and an entree for each person. There is 6 of us not 15. We order about 7 “tapas” for the table. As follows; Octopus, Half Cooked Egg, Fennel Salad, Oysters, Burrata, Tuna Toast and Scallop carpaccio. Every single item we ordered for tapas was amazing. The flavor was great! What’s the problem? Well, the server decides he wants to throw an order of Ham and tomato spread toast in there as well. There are 3 girls and 3 guys at our table. The guys had stepped outside for a minute and the tapas were brought to the table while they were outside. So it was just us girls. We notice the ham and toast plate and ask the server “Who ordered this?” He said and I quote word for word, “ I don’t know but someone did.” We were in shock. We waited until the guys returned back to the table and we asked them if they ordered it. We remembered that the waiter had suggested the ham and one of our friends said “No, ham.” Well, he brought it anyway, we made him take it back. Nobody ordered that. So shady.

Before the tapas came out he asked us what we would like to order as our main courses. We specifically asked him if the 42 oz Ribeye was Prime or not. He said yes with a very unsure look on his face. We said, “Do you know what Prime is?” He said yes, a very high quality of meat. We asked again, are you sure this is Prime? He insisted that it was. We ordered it, YOLO. We asked what was really good on the menu and he said everything except the pasta. We were interested in ordering the pumpkin black truffle ravioli. We told him that and he said “ oh that’s amazing.” Didn’t you just say don’t order the pasta and leave it to the Italians? We ordered the pumpkin ravioli with black truffle for there record and it was delicious. We also ordered the ox tail, the fish and 42 oz Prime for $98. We debated even ordering the “Prime Ribeye” because it isn’t a steak house and they say they are a Spanish restaurant. The steak was not good, it had no flavor and lacked any quality of meat related to a Prime cut that I have ever seen. He came by later after I told him to his face that the steak was not Prime. He said he talked to the chef and he said sometimes it’s “USDA or Prime.” Well, I sure hope it’s USDA or we shouldn’t be eating it. Does he even know what USDA means? I don’t think so. The incompetence is real.

Now, the Sommelier is at the table insisting that we order wine. He says we have to order wine because that’s the only way to eat dinner. Okay, we get it, wine is delicious but sometimes people like to have cocktails with their dinner. He was insanely pushy and a little offended when we decided not to order wine and we ordered cocktails instead. Which mind you, the server took our drink order after he put our food order in, because he’s too cool to carry a pen and paper to write things down apparently. It took 25 minutes to get our drinks to our table. We had finished our 7 tapas that we ordered before the drinks even made it to the table. He blamed the bar being busy, well then the manager or someone needs to jump in there and help or hire more staff if they cant handle the volume of customers.

Another sneaky thing this restaurant did was have the water girl come around and fill your glasses up almost every 10 minutes. Hey, thanks for the water. She didn’t think we noticed but she went from our table with her bottle of water in hand to the next table. We see YOU. Then she would mark the bottle with a marker and set it back in the ice. I’m like oh, they’re sharing the bottle with the other tables so they must not be charging us for water. When does that ever happen in South Beach? Never. She did this not once but twice and our whole table noticed. Never seen anything like that in my life. Of course, 3 bottles of water were on our check when we got the bill and gratuity was included I suppose because we were a party of 6.

Our entire group of 6 enjoyed the food and cocktails so much. Some even said they would come back for the half cooked egg and the octopus appetizers if it wasn’t for the terrible service. We literally felt like they were treating us like tourists and wanted to rip us off anyway they could. It’s really sad that the front of the house doesn’t match the back of the house. The staff are like sharks begging for food or something. We should call them “Klepto Klima” because clearly all they want to do is steal from you and they can’t help themselves. I would give this place another try with another server and if this happens again then I will be sure to never recommend anyone to come there. Nobody wants to eat at a place with terrible service and to feel like you’re being taken advantage of. They didn’t know who we were, if we were locals or not, they just assumed that we were sheep and going to do everything they said without even batting an eyelash.

My last opinion on this place is why they pride themselves on being a Spanish restaurant? There really wasn’t anything that represented Spanish cuisine. No gazpacho (and it’s hot in Miami, that would of been perfect). They could of done a really creative spin on Paella. They didn’t really have any Spanish cheeses from my memory, they had Burrata and that’s Italian cheese (duh). The closest thing to Spanish that I saw was the half cooked egg with some potato puré. None of the dishes really had a Spanish seasoning to it at all. It was more like American-Italian fusion. The seafood was more American-Italian as well. Just because you throw some avocado on the side and name your dishes in Spanish on the menu, doesn’t make it a Spanish restaurant. There were no cured meats, no bean stew, no croquettas and why not a delicious pisto? I’m sorry but if you’re going to call yourself a Spanish restaurant you should at least have more traditional options available. I didn’t even ask but there wasn’t even an option for a nice Sangria from what I noticed on the menu. They could really do so much with the space and really have fun with the menu.

Clearly, as I said in the beginning this restaurant was “Kluged” together. The food was great but it’s not a Spanish restaurant. They don’t serve Prime 42 oz Ribeye either. There is no way they would serve 42 oz of Prime Ribeye for $98. That’s really cheap. I pay $55 for 8 oz of Filet Mignon at a decent steak house. This restaurant is confused, their staff is uneducated and pushy. I hope they can get it together because they have potential. The kitchen is the only thing saving them right now. So, my closing statement is if you don’t mind going to a restaurant that isn’t Spanish, but say they are Spanish and lies to you and tries to steal from you, then you should eat here. If you can get past the service issue, then you’re good to go. Oh, and if you don’t mind waiting 25 minutes to get your drinks, you have nothing to worry about! Cheers!

 

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